Drew's Favorite English Solecisms

Here are a number of grammar, syntax, meaning, and spelling miscues that I have run into over my years of tutoring non-native English speakers, though some of these are from native speakers!

1. "We should be thankful for church volunteers, because the church runs on sacrificed volunteers."

I'd hope someone would be thankful for such a selfless act.

2. "No one, not even professional race car drivers can drive fast without hitting goats."

Every time you speed God kills a goat.

3. "Jesus scarified himself to seal the new covenant."

Look out for that scary Jesus costume next Halloween!

4. "It was just a simple miss spelling."

Who is this Miss Spelling? I'd like to meet her!

5. "The priest is raping the mummy."

Wrapping the mummy, perhaps?

6. "Send it to me until Thudesday."

And on the eighth day God created...

7. "I know a primary document: the...the...the CONSTIPATION!"

Perhaps the framers of the Constitution needed Ex Lax.



That is all I can remember for now. I will add to this as I remember and discover more.